Everyone has been out to catch their favourite band or grab a few drinks with friends and seen “That Guy.” You don’t want to be near him, but you can’t stop staring at his baffling behaviour. Here are ten of his most popular variations, and ten things to avoid if you aren’t interested in donning the label, yourself.
1. The “Lucky Lukey” hits on women like it’s his job. He punches his time card with every girl that walks by him.
2. The “Billy Talent 2” is generous enough to simultaneously re-create the live show you’re watching and give you front row seats! Singing along is great – just try to keep it under control and in your own space.
3. The “Tall Pony Tony” is so over this band, but don’t worry, he still came to tell everyone that he liked them better before they got big.
4. The “Kenny G.” Hey, Kenny, your long hair probably looks great with a gentle mountain breeze rustling through it. It does not, however, look or taste great all up in my mouth.
5. “Loose as a Goose Gary.” “Shvakehjakag” , “Aksjebel”. Words actually said after drink number 15. Drinking is fun, but be responsible… or at least able to converse at the level of your 18-month-old nephew.
6. The “PDA Pete.” It’s awesome that you brought your ladyfriend out to the show. It is significantly less awesome that you guys are currently doing it on me right now.
7. The “Cinematographer.” Taking a quick snap during a show or even a little snippet of video is perfectly fine. Capturing the entire set on your Nokia flip phone, or worse, your giant iPad is totally unnecessary and will never look or sound as great as it does in person.
8. “Spatial Awareness Steve.” We get it: it’s crowded, but maybe try not to press your genitals on everyone every ten seconds? Thanks.
9. “Band Shirt Billy.” I still don’t know what is worse, wearing a t-shirt of the band you are going to see, or wearing another band’s T. Just avoid band shirts altogether.
10. “Starting Center.” Glad you could make it after your basketball game this evening. Yeah, there is plenty of room right in front of everyone. Note: If you are tall and are at the front before everyone else, that’s great – you earned it – but don’t sneak your way passed people once the headliner strikes up.