Ridiculous “Teen Trends” that Frighten Old People

Won't somebody please think of the children!

If there’s one thing every generation has in common, it’s condemning the generation after it. Think of the phrases “kids these days” or “back in my day” or “when I was your age.” It’s the same out of touch old-speak on infinite repeat, decade after decade. Is any generation really any worse than their predecessors, or does the media just sensationalize a handful of youth who are doing stupid things? Here are some recent news stories that have caused us to yell out “Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the CHILDREN!”

S​moking coffee
So-called “bean-heads” are lighting up “caffeine sticks” to catch a buzz. Reporters talked to a guy with a beard outside a coffee shop, so this story checks out.

Smoking bedbugs
At the end of this ridiculous story about trapping and smoking bedbugs listen to the anchor remark “As parents of a teenager, it’s hard to talk to them about… ANYTHING!”

Teenagers are supposedly rubbing Burt’s Bees chapstick on their eyelids for the tingling sensation caused by the peppermint oil. In a related story, their eyes have never been more kissable.

We talked about “Beezin'” on The Morning After – have a listen:
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The only people we saw using this hashtag were the ones talking about how they couldn’t believe kids these days. “What’s wrong with people?!?” etc. Where are all the pictures from “intimate relations”??

The drinking and stunting Youtube trend “Neknominations” inspired people to try and turn a negative into a positive with “Raknominations.” It’s great to see random acts of kindness but why not put the camera down and just try being a good person without the recognition?

If kids are burning their eyes with vodka, where are all the teenagers with awesome eye patches? Also Google “eyeball licking” to hear about a supposed “oculolinctus” trend.

Cinnamon Challenge
If you don’t have asthma yet, this is a good way to get it. Cinnamon is delicious, but not when it’s churned into lung-butter.

Beer Pong Herpes
Turns out there’s no 5 second rule in Beer Pong – after your ping pong ball hits the floor you must have it sanitized or you’ll get the sores. Try writing your name on the cup to avoid swapping spit with the rest of the party.