Take It Easy: Birthdays

A reality check on one of the most over-hyped days of the year

Hey Birthdays – take it easy. You’re just another day (probably a Monday) closer to death. You don’t get a day off, you don’t get to leave work early, and you certainly don’t get a bonus for being wiser in your old age.

The song Happy Birthday? Should have been put down a long time ago, but instead your friends sing it badly, servers at restaurants sing it badly, greeting cards pop open and sing it badly and it’s still the most depressing song in the world.

Throwing a party for yourself seems like the saddest thing in the world. If your friends, family or significant other don’t care about you enough to throw you a party, you don’t have a party. Because if you’re invited to someone else’s birthday and they’re just an acquaintance do you have to buy them something? Then it’s just a game of “which cheapo bottle of wine can I get for less than 10 dollars.” Take it easy.

Once you’re over 30 the best gifts you can expect to receive are a) socks b) a book or c) some kind of “funny” gag gift that ends up being re-gifted to the local landfill. And why do you have to always eat cake? Cake isn’t a part of my diet any other time of the year, are you giving me the gift of diabetes? Take it easy.

HBDBrian

(Photo by Robert Judge via Flickr)

The whole thing just a big game of one-upsmanship? What did they get me last year? How much do I have to spend? How big a deal do I have to make out of this? It’s like the OTHER 364 days a year of treating them right don’t mean a thing unless you make a big stink about THE BIRTHDAY.

The Birthday text message is the lowest form of greeting, second only to the birthday Facebook message. You haven’t talked in like a year, and now they can’t even pick up a phone? Take it easy.

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(Photo by Kyle Pearce via Flickr)

The fact is that I’m the worst for remembering birthdays. Does that make me a bad person? Probably. But I’m not going to feel bad about it and neither should you. Sooner or later there will be a birthday where you find yourself sitting on the floor in your pyjama pants drinking and playing Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, and you know what? It’s still a birthday, whether you like it or not. Take it easy.