You’ve been dumped. Life for the next little while is not going to be a walk in the park. You might as well buy some stock in Kleenex because you’re going to be a big supporter of their goods for the foreseeable future. Also, Domino’s is your new “Bae”.
After your relationship goes down the tubes, these are six inevitable stages you must go through.
1. THE “I DON’T UNDERSTAND, EVERYTHING WAS SO PERFECT” STAGE
This is the sentence you repeat to your friends over and over again while they scream out to you, “NO IT WASN’T!” Getting into a three day long fight over where you should go for dinner is not “perfect.” You’re confused, you’re sad, you’re currently face deep in Häagen-Dazs watching 500 Days of Summer.
2. THE “LOOK HOW MUCH FUN I’M HAVING ON SOCIAL MEDIA” STAGE
You may not be anywhere near fine but that’s not what you want the world to think! Even if you posted regularly on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter before, it becomes way more frequent after your break up. You want your ex to see that your out having the time of your life #TurnUp #GetLoose #DrinksOnAThursdayWhyNot. Post’s usually include photos with people your ex didn’t like, booze, and a big ol’ drunk smile.
3. THE “I LIKE THIS NEW PERSON NOW” STAGE
You meet someone (probably on Tinder) that you find attractive but there is no possible way you two would ever work in the relationship world. You start forcing it because you miss having that person to text when you’re bored or do absolutely nothing with (a.k.a. Sunday snuggles). This lasts a few weeks, maybe even a month or so until you finally realize, “I don’t like this person at all” and “I think I still dig my ex.”
4. THE “WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME?!” STAGE
This is quite possibly the lowest you’ll feel. No matter how many times your pals tell you not to, you try to reconnect and maybe even meet up with the ex to see if there’s a chance you’ll get back together. This obviously doesn’t go the way you wanted it to. You’re defeated and you’re back to to scrolling through their Instagram while listening to Hinder’s “Lips Of An Angel. Careful not to like one of those photos of you two from 72 weeks ago though, nothing is creepier than that.
5. THE “EATING PIZZA ALONE ISN’T THAT BAD” STAGE
The excessive partying stage is over and regular you has returned to form. You realize that at one point you did live your life without being in a relationship. You start thinking of the positives: no more pretending to like their friends, watch the movies you want to watch, you don’t have to tell someone where you are at all times, and showering is now optional, not mandatory. HUZZAH!
6. THE “I GUESS WE CAN BE FRIENDS” STAGE
***WARNING*** This stage is not for the weak of heart, think very carefully whether you are ready for this or not.
You’ve unfollowed and unfriended each other on all social networks but now it’s time for one of you to be the bigger person and re-add. You have no intention of creeping this person, but want to show that you can be “just friends.”
Side note: Studies still inconclusive if this is actually possible whatsoever.