The Wisdom I Gained from Losing My Wisdom Teeth

Be prepared. Don't abuse the pills. Movies. Milk it.

I had my “wisdom” teeth removed this week and I’ll be frank: shit was wack. Everyone was all “it’s a breeze, they just put you out and you wake up and they’re gone”. My experience was more of a totally-awake-blood-scape that took over 2 hours for just ONE tooth! My dentist apologized profusely and said she “needed a drink” when it was done. That makes two of us. But I couldn’t drink so I popped a fistful of pain pills and tripped out for 5 days. Here’s what I learned:

Preparation is key.
You know that scene in Trainspotting where Renton prepares to withdraw from heroin and makes an itemized list of things he’ll need over the coming days? This is you. You will need: mushy foods, pain pills, and movies or TV shows by the bucket load.

Pain medication is awesome until it isn’t.
I got prescribed Oxycocet, a powerful narcotic that made me feel like I was a cozy little worm in a giant cotton candy cocoon. This is why people get addicted to painkillers. The benefit for me was that any attempt to up my dosage resulted in hours of crippling nausea. Respect the pills, yo. Pill addiction is not a good look.

Movies, movies and more movies.
You’ll have endless free time and boredom while you recover so make a list of movies to watch while you drool all over yourself. I opted for more psychedelic fare as I was high as a kite and thought they would compliment my state of mind. I really liked Beyond The Black Rainbow (Canadian to boot!) and Cold in July, but if comedy or romance are your jam, try those. Anything to take your mind off of the gross holes in your head.

Milk it.
You only get the chance to be a sick wittle baby once in a while so let people take care of you. I know it may go against your nature but it’s your turn to be a whiner, milk it. You aren’t allowed to do ANY strenuous activity, REMEMBER?! Use this to your advantage.