Hockey season is about to kick off here in Toronto, and I for one have endured years of heartbreak while following my beloved Maple Leafs. It hasn’t all been bad though – I’ve learned some valuable life lessons. I will now share what I have learned through years of betting my money on the wrong horse.
1. The cities of Ottawa and Montreal are now dead to you.
I don’t care how much you like Beaver Tails, Fairmont Bagels, or Schwartz’s, these cities are now your sworn enemies and trust that they feel the same about you. Being a Leafs fan requires you to adopt a Buddhist mentality and abandon your beloved possessions.
2. Life isn’t fair. Expect disappointment.
I’m always prepared for the worst because of my boys in blue. Things will go pear-shaped; be ready for it and celebrate the moments when they don’t. You could be up, say, three goals with 10 minutes left to play, and still lose a playoff series. Not that I’m still bitter.
3. Don’t jump on bandwagons.
Maybe some new fad looks cool right now, but will you still love it in five years? I’m looking at you, eyebrow rings circa 1998. Same goes for when another hockey team is doing well. When you become a Leafs fan, you must love them forever and then refer to #2.
4. Patience is a virtue.
The Leafs haven’t won a cup in more than a decade longer than I have been alive. They might not win one in my lifetime, either. I just hope that one generation of my family gets to celebrate that glorious day. If you’re patient, life is easier.
5. Win or lose, we booze.
Having a couple of beers during the hockey game is a tradition for many guys and gals. If you get clobbered, get clobbered. If you win, raise a glass. It will soften the blow of of a devastating loss or enhance the elation of crushing the Ottawa Senators. I’m including this part for your friends: don’t be a sloppy mess, OK?
(Main Image: Eternalsleeper via Wikimedia Commons)