We Need A Hero: The Search for the Most Bad-Ass Redheaded Male Icon

R.I.P. Archie, we will miss you buddy

Archie died. Yeah that’s right, the two-timing, jalopy pushing playa from Riverdale finally met his demise in a shopping mall shooting (?!). This makes me wonder two things: 1) what in the hell is going on in Archie comics these days? A mall shooting?! When I read Archie they just went to the beach and the malt shop and shit! And 2) who will replace Archie as the new “Most Beloved Redhead Male”? Hard hitting stuff this week, I know. Here is a stupid list of some people I’m nominating to take over the position.

JOSH HOMME
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Growing up a ginger is hard because all of of your friends are like “there are no cool, famous redheads” and you have to argue that David Caruso is a bad ass. He is not. They are right. And then Josh Homme comes around, all drug-addled rock n’ roll swagger and the game changes. A generation of Gingers thank you, Josh.
 

CHUCK NORRIS
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You see? This isn’t easy. Chuck has gone from lame status back to cool through irony but don’t let that obscure the fact that he is a level 700 ginger ninja who could kick your head into a paste.
 

LOUIS CK
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Louis’ 3rd season may be more depressing than funny but he’s still one of the best ginger comedians of all time (sorry Carrot Top). If you don’t know his stuff look up any of his HBO specials and thank me later.
 

CONAN O’BRIEN
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Probably the closest heir to the throne of “King of All Redheads”, Conan is a hilarious dude. He was the alternative to the brutal and hacky Jay Leno on late night TV for a lot of years. He still makes me laugh and own his awkwardness like no one else can
 

JOHAN FRANZEN
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This one’s a long shot but the Detroit Red Wings star is a worthy ginge. Nicknamed the mule this mountain of a human is famous for scoring 3 times in 3 minutes. That is difficult.

Matt & Candice eulogized Archie Andrews this morning. Sad day in Riverdale. Listen below:

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